Turning Back

²⁰ Then the Spirit of God came on Zechariah son of Jehoiada the priest. He stood before the people and said, “This is what God says: ‘Why do you disobey the Lord’s commands? You will not prosper. Because you have forsaken the Lord, he has forsaken you.’”

2 Chronicles 24 

Joash did what was noble and good during his early reign as king. He did not fail to act upon the instructions of Jehoiada, the chief priest. Once Jehoiada died, Joash fell away from the covenant that Judah would be for God. Zachariah, son of the chief priest, confronts Joash and tells him that he needs to turn away and return back to God. This angers Joash and murders Zachariah as a result.

When the eyes of authority was upon Joash he did what was expected. Following the rules and what was expected of someone who was placed in the position of influence. Once Jehoiada died, Joash became corrupted by other officials and fell away from the faith, and even to the point of committing great sin of murdering an innocent man. I can completely relate myself to Joash. When eyes were upon me, I felt obligated to act holy and do that was expected. Since I served on Wednesdays and on Sundays, it became natural for me to "act" holy, but honestly speaking, I can't say if my heart was in it at times. And now that my role has been decreased at church or even in the spotlight to visible eyes of the Body,  I feel less inclined to pick up the bible and read the word. Furthermore my prayer life is lacking and even praying for meals brings me guilt.

I think what really stirred me up to start journaling was the fear of God turning his back on me. I sense this urge that satan is on my back creeping in, changing my perspective and even allowing me to think that I'll be possessed. In away this might be true... Maybe this is God's way of bring me back to Him. The fear that without him, I'll be subjugated to the hold satan has in my life. Losing myself to the world and the world's ideals.

Simply speaking... I need to prioritize and really put God first. No more excuses of busyness.

God forgive me for being like Joash and rejecting you. I pray that you would continually give me this feeling of fear, so that I would use that to come closer to you. Forgive me for my sins and falling short. I blatantly sin against you without any remorse. I just pray that you would convict me to do the right thing when my faith is being tested.

In Jesus Name
Amen