16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
~2 Cor 4:16-18
With the CEO being in town I knew I had to wake up earlier than my usual 830am. I actually woke up before my alarm went off which is pretty unusual. As I woke up, my first waking thoughts was.... "Another day waking up to my sad existence."
Of course its always tough getting over a breakup, more so because I knew at the time that I would marry this person one day.
As I lay in bed I started to reflect on things that went wrong, you know the usual stuff when one goes through during breakups. That didn't change the fact that I still had a gaping hole in my heart.So I sought God.
Surprisingly, both the readings in OT and the NT were on the dot for me. In Judges a man sought after his concubine after 4 months of waiting (initially I was thinking that God wanted me to give Julia at least 4 months before seeking her). He loved this women enough to go to the far ends of country to get her back even though she was unfaithful to him. And at the very end he avenged her death by scattering her corpse which brought judgement on the Benjiminites. Rather than focusing on my lost I found that the scripture in Corinthians was more applicable and gave me more hope in my darkness.
Though it's hard to see it now, the heavy heart and the disarrayed mind is just a momentary trouble which God is putting me through. This is my Marah (the place God took Moses and the Israelites before they arrived at Elim). My Marah is definitely bitter, but I know there's a lesson behind it. I know deep down inside that God wants me to be more reliant on Him, my first love. I find it strange that even in suffering, the fingers that point to oneself always changes to the One above. Yes I can wallow in my pain and be depressed, but like David my grief always changes praise. Praise that God put me through this? I'm not quite there yet, but more of the thanksgiving that Jesus died on the cross for my sins which my life is forfeit to.
...I guess this is what Glory-to-Glory means. Praising him in the mist of my struggles until the day I reach Elim (my paradise).
Father I pray that you keep me underneath your wings. Shelter me from this loneliness and heal this bitterness that I have in my heart. Jesus, forgive me of my wretchedness and turn me from my wicked ways. Let me reach my Elim soon.
In pray in Jesus name
Amen
A song that's been playing in my mind while I was reflecting this morning.
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